While no one ever said parenting was easy, someone should have at least told us how unnecessarily hard it would be sometimes.
I know I would have appreciated knowing just how challenging infinitesimal inconveniences would make everyday parenting. How all the drama would indeed be saved for Mama and just how often I’d find myself thinking, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”
Take a look at 100 itty-bitty buggy things that drive parents insane on the daily.
2. Manually filling out the same contact information on the same school forms for the same kids every. single. school. year.
3. Cutesy names for genitalia.
4. A DVR filled to capacity with children’s programming.
5. Waiting for anything.
6. Blazing hot car seats.
7. A kid telling you five minutes before school starts that they need to bring peanut-free sugar cookies to school that day.
8. Taking a toddler’s picture.
9. Taking a toddler most places.
10. Skipped naps.
11. Grody, dangling teeth that refuse to come out.
12. Babies you can’t put down.
13. Toddlers you can’t pick up.
14. Shoes that won’t stay tied.
15. Milestone schedules.
16. Any phone call from your child’s school.
17. Fevers, man.
18. Bully kids.
19. Bully parents.
20. Candy offered by car dealerships, haircut places, and totally random strangers.
21. Leaky diapers, bottles, and sippy cups.
22. People driving way too fast through residential neighborhoods.
23. Folks who stare at breastfeeding mothers.
24. Public restroom stalls that can’t accommodate 1.5 people.
25. Moon sand.
26. Candy at the check-out counter.
27. Standardized tests.
28. One missing shoe.
29. Lost jackets, lunch pails, and homework.
30. Early release days at school.
31. SpongeBob’s laugh.
32. Pediatricians who don’t seem to listen.
33. Teachers who don’t seem to care.
34. Parents who don’t seem to parent.
35. Schedules of any kind.
36. Sippy cups with 14 parts.
37. Toys that make noise.
38. Baby shoes that are impossible to put on.
39. Homework parents don’t know how to do.
40. Netflix’s “parental controls.”
41. The price of fruit squeezers. Actually, the price of everything.
42. Servers that pour hot coffee over a child’s head.
43. People who question your parenting choices.
44. Allergic anything.
45. Stepping on Legos.
46. Forgetting to restock the diaper bag.
47. Latest studies that prove we’re parenting all wrong.
48. Choking hazards.
49. Trimming baby nails.
50. “Kids today … ”
51. “Parents today … ”
52. “You know what your child needs … ”
53. The school pick-up line.
54. Concussion watch.
55. Child door/drawer/window/toilet locks.
56. Barf in the car seat.
57. Stranger danger.
58. Restaurants without kid menus.
59. Pools without covers. Or really, pools in general.
60. When people call instead of text.
62. Aisles too narrow for strollers.
63. Kids that change clothes 13 times a day.
64. Shoes that only fit for three weeks.
65. Milk found five days later.
66. The sex talk.
67. Celebrity parents.
68. No seat belts on school buses.
69. Chuck E. Cheese’s.
70. Parenting small talk.
71. Aggressive neighborhood animals.
72. Fragile anything.
73. School fundraisers.
74. Dead goldfish.
75. Claw machines.
76. Repeating ourselves. Repeating ourselves. Repeating ourselves.
77. Being told to relax.
78. Kid song earworms.
79. Constant worry.
80. When our kid picks up our bad habit(s).
82. School projects.
83. Stupid Elf on the stupid Shelf.
84. When our kid likes a remake of a beloved childhood movie better than the original.
85. Babysitters that cancel.
86. Babies that won’t wear hats.
87. Taking family portraits.
88. Forced craftiness.
89. Sick kids who breathe/cough/sneeze/snot all over healthy ones.
90. How right our parents were.
91. Never having cash.
92. An audience in the bathroom.
94. Begging a kid to wear a coat.
96. Potty training.
97. Being startled awake by a child breathing over your face.
98. Packing school lunches.
99. Delirious exhaustion.
100. How quickly it all passes.