Parenthood is hard. And sometimes it takes a little denial to get through it. Because if we faced the cold, hard truth of it all, we’d probably curl up in a ball on the bathroom floor and cry uncontrollably. But we don’t. We forge on. We survive. We even thrive, thanks in part to our ability to lie to ourselves. About pretty much everything.
Here are 27 lies I tell myself to get through a day of parenting:
- I’m still hip and cool, I just choose to walk around with yogurt smeared on my shirt humming the theme song to Wild Kratts.
- I look really good in these yoga pants.
- It’s OK if I let the kids stay up late, they’ll TOTALLY sleep in tomorrow.
- I’m going to pee without an audience.
- My kids are total angels. They’re just having a moment … a moment that’s lasted nearly a decade.
- Letting my kids watch back-to-back-to-back episodes of Octonauts is really educational. It’s like enrolling them in a science-based enrichment class! Except it’s free!
- I’m not going to finish my kid’s hot dog. Or mac n’ cheese. Or chicken nuggets.
- I only eat chocolate for the antioxidants.
- And I’m only going to have one piece.
- I’m going to exercise. Later.
- I’m going to shower. Later.
- I’m going to brush my hair. Later.
- I’m going to brush my kid’s hair. Later.
- My car is going to stay clean this time.
- My house is going to stay clean this time.
- My kid is going to stay clean this time.
- We’re going to have a FUN family day with no whining.
- We’re going to put away the devices and have NO screen time today!
- I’m totally going to finish that baby book for my second kid.
- I don’t miss my pre-kids life. It was so empty. And so filled with “free time” and “fun” and all that meaningless crap.
- I don’t spend too much time on Facebook.
- I still see my friends … occasionally.
- My husband and I are still connected. I mean we went on that date, er, three years ago.
- And I’m going to make him really happy (hubba, hubba) … tomorrow.
- I’m not cranky.
- I love cooking. And cleaning.
- I’ll finish the laundry. Tomorrow.